I'm your only friend
I'm not your only friend
But I am your professor friend
But really I'm not actually your friend but I am ...
Chorus:
Your advisor in an office with a window
Who watches over you
I will help you get a Ph.D.
When I get my red fine-point out
Don't get disappointed or pout
'Cause I will help you get a Ph.D.
I have a story to tell
About my tenure-track hell
Have to publish or you'll perish
And you have to network as well
So you have some papers to write
Working hard, staying up late at night
While I travel half the world to be an academic socialite
Your inspirational source
But when you need me the most
I'm never there!
Chorus
[Instrumental section]
I'm your only friend
I'm not your only friend
But I am your professor friend
But really I'm not actually your friend but I am ...
On the web a page you can see
With my academic ancestry
Who now walk exalted hall of
Stanford, Berkeley, MIT
So you must respect them a lot
But don't think that you'll have their job
With so few slots on the market
You can hear all the post-docs sob
Academic pyramid
Being at the top I admit
I like it here!
Chorus
While you're at it
You should stick with me
I'll help you get a Ph.D.